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Writer's pictureThe Happy Tree

How to spot unconscious blind spots and break lifelong patterns that have kept you trapped

A wasp trapped in a window

I was recently sitting one Sunday morning having a coffee in my kitchen when a wasp flew in the window. Like most people I am not their biggest fan, but I’d never harm one, so I gently reached past it and opened the window fully. There was its chance for freedom, right there for the taking. A massive window open…Yet an hour later it was still flying about, trapped in its blind spot, unable to see the opportunity to fly on away to freedom that was right in front of it….


And it left me thinking, what a beautiful metaphor for the subtle and often unconscious stubborn nature of blind spots in our lives. Just as I observed with the wasp, we all have times when we feel stuck, trapped by our own instincts or learned behaviours, unable to see opportunities that are right in front of us. And much like this tiny creature struggling at the window, our persistence to stick with what we know - often in the name of safety or habit - can keep us looping in patterns that feel limiting, even as freedom awaits just a step to the side.


What’s more is taking a moment to recognise just how much energy we use caught in these patterns, fighting against an immovable object…


BREAKING THE PATTERN


So how can we break these limiting, looping patterns that can keep us stuck? I do this work every day with people and wanted to share some core aspects to consider if this resonates with you.


1. Recognising Our Patterns & Creative Adjustments


The wasp in my window kept trying the same route, possibly because they trusted the glimmer of light through the glass as the best way out. For many of us, certain behaviours became well-worn paths, often forged in childhood or in difficult times. These adaptive behaviours once helped us survive and find comfort or safety in our surroundings – we had to creatively adjust our little selves. Yet as adults, they can become ingrained responses that limit our ability to see different possibilities—paths to freedom we may not even know are there. Blind spots aren’t just what we don’t see; they’re often what we unconsciously avoid because stepping into new terrain feels scary.


2. Compassionately Challenging Our "Windows"


The journey to recognise and move beyond our blind spots doesn’t start by forcing change but by gently questioning: What could I be missing? Is there another way through this? This question, when asked with kindness, invites curiosity instead of criticism. It’s like giving ourselves permission to take a break from banging against the window and to step back, look around, and notice the open spaces we might otherwise miss.


3. Understanding the Role of Fear and Limiting Beliefs


Fear often lies at the core of our blind spots. Whether it's the fear of failure, rejection, disappointment, anger, hurt… it’s normal for our brains to cling to the familiar, even if it’s uncomfortable or painful, because it feels safer than the unknown. In fact, we’re often more willing to endure difficult experiences simply because they’re predictable, rather than venture into uncharted territory where uncertainty awaits. Have you ever thought ‘better the devil you know’ or ‘the grass isn’t always greener’? Much like the wasp, who was trapped by its instincts to fly toward the light, we can find ourselves limited by beliefs and behaviours that were once essential but now no longer serve us. Recognising this with compassion and understanding what this blind spot may be protecting you from is the first step to gently loosening its hold on you.


4. Rewiring Awareness through Small Shifts


Growth often begins with small steps. This might mean questioning whether the usual ways of thinking, relating or acting are truly helpful—or just familiar. By breaking the autopilot cycle, we invite new ways of seeing and being. It’s not always about finding massive solutions; very often it is the smallest shifts that make the biggest difference. Even the decision to pause and step back is a significant act of self-awareness and compassion.


5. Finding the Courage to Trust Our Freedom


The wasp missed the open window, a path to freedom that was theirs to take. We too have freedom waiting for us in the form of new perspectives and choices. But embracing this freedom takes courage and a readiness to shed the adaptive behaviours that once kept us safe. Growth and freedom may feel uncertain, but by recognising the blind spots holding us back, we give ourselves the best possible chance to thrive, unburdened by invisible barriers.


6. Seek Help


In the end, I had to gently coax the wasp with a piece of paper. Just like the wasp needed a little gentle steering, it can be hugely important to get the right help. As a coach and developmental trauma therapist, I offer a unique and gentle approach to support awareness, patience and compassion in recognising your patterns and blind spots, to ultimately help you navigate a new path.


We all have "open windows" that we’re missing, and by stepping back and exploring ourselves we can start to see them with clarity, stepping off the wheel with confidence and trust.


WANT TO KNOW MORE?


If you’re curious about what hidden choices and blind spots might be keeping you stuck, reach out here. I offer a free intro call to discover more about how my unique blend of Coaching and Developmental Trauma Therapy can help you uncover these blind spots and move on from adaptive, self-sabotaging and self-sacrificing behaviours to creating a life that is truly you.




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