The Wake-Up Call of Midlife: Stop Waiting, Start Living

There’s a quote by Confucius that has been on my mind lately:

"We have two lives, and the second begins when we realise we only have one."

This week I turned 42 and given that the average life expectancy for women is 84, that means I’m already halfway through – I am officially middle aged! And yet, as I sit with this, middle age feels like it’s still way down the road…It still feels like something far off, like a stage I’m not quite in yet.

But the truth is, I am already in it. I AM OFFICIALLY IN MID-LIFE.

And like many people in this stage of life, I find myself curious about everything been and everything (all going well) still to come. I am sitting with what we call ‘the illusion of later’ and the fallacy of a ‘fair life’ which hold many people back from living a life they truly want.

The Illusion of Later

As a coach and therapist, I often work with people who feel stuck, unfulfilled, unhappy, frustrated, lost and more. Many recognise that they know they want something different, it could be a career change, a healthier lifestyle, a happier relationship, more adventure, more peace… but they don't know how to get it, they keep putting it off. They haven’t managed to make anything change. Some examples include:

"I’ll do it when work slows down."

"When the kids are older."

"When I have more money."

"When I feel ready."

“When I’m more confident”

But here’s the thing: there will never be a perfect time. Life doesn’t suddenly clear the way and roll out a red carpet for us to take bold action. Later is a moving target, and for many people, it never actually arrives.

And at 42, I am sitting with the truth that later is now.

The Fallacy of a ‘Fair’ Life

Another crucial aspect to what can hold us back is what we call the fallacy of a fair life. Many of us were raised with an unspoken belief: If I do the right things, life will reward me.

"If I work hard, success will come."

"If I’m a good person, love will come."

"If I stay patient, happiness will come."

But what happens when it doesn’t? When the promotion doesn’t appear, when the right partner hasn’t walked into our lives, when life isn’t as fulfilling as we thought it would be?

This is where many people get stuck—waiting for what they deserve, rather than taking action for what they want.

Life doesn’t always go the way we want, but if we want to make things happen, we must focus on designing the life we want, not living by default. In other words, we have to make them happen. So how can we help ourselves with this?

The Shift from Time Spent to Time Remaining

When we’re younger, we count our years forward—how much life we’ve lived. We celebrate turning 18, then 21, then 30. But somewhere along the way, the math changes. We start to count backward instead, thinking about how much time we have left.

This is not about fear of ‘time running out’ – but rather coming back to the Confucius quote above, realising that we have only one life. So this stage is really about clarity.

When we recognise or even accept that time is not infinite, we can really step into a new found freedom, where we get to choose, create, change and really live like we want to.

Do we keep waiting for what we think life owes us? Or do we step forward and create it for ourselves?

How to Step Into Your ‘Second Life’

If you feel stuck, waiting for later, here are a few ways to shift:

1. Ask yourself: What am I postponing, and why?

Remember procrastination and self-sabotage are all about self-protection. Spend some time asking yourself - Is it fear and if so, of what? Is it perfectionism stopping me from trying? A belief that you don’t deserve it? Getting clear on why you’re stuck is the first step in moving forward.

2. Focus on one small move at a time. As always, the secret to change is in microsteps. You don’t have to change your whole life overnight. Just do one thing that moves you closer, schedule the call, sign up for the class, have the conversation.

3. Let go of the myth that it’s ‘too late.’

This one I hear a lot…a core belief that a person is ‘past it’, ‘missed the opportunity’ and this is absolutely a limiting belief that holds us back. Just remember, even if the best time to start was years ago, the second best time is now.

4. Own your choices.

Life isn’t about waiting for the right conditions; it’s about deciding what you want and taking responsibility for making it happen. It is taking charge, getting back in the driver seat and moving forward with agency.

Midlife is an awakening

So, in short, midlife isn’t a crisis—it’s an awakening. It’s not about running out of time; it’s about finally realising that time is yours to spend.

So if you’ve been waiting for later, for the right time, for permission… consider this your sign.

Because your second life starts the moment you decide to truly live this one.

If any of this feels familiar, reach out for a free intro call to how my blended coaching and therapy practice can help. I offer one-to-one support as well as group workshops and retreats and would love to welcome you.

Love Claire x